jenkbp

For those of you who read about me....

2006-07-12T21:11:35Z

Hello from VA!
I always seem to update this or maybe its I dont want to really write down how im feeling or where Im at. My family came down for a quick week vacation which was okay but all it did was rain and I kept thinking about how I just wanted to go home. This has been an overwhelming feeling which takes over my thinking. I've decided Im not a southern girl and really would like to stay in the midwest, so I've been looking into other jobs. I feel that only staying at this current job for the past 6.5 months is not long BUT Im becoming very unhappy with my living situation and NO SOCIAL life.

I also have come to terms with the fact that I am in love with the guy from MI(football player) and I need/want to be near him. I've not seen him since March and I will be coming home to visit real soon here but still its straining. Instead of being 14hrs away I want to be like 4 hrs a very easy quick drive. Its crazy to think I would move because of a guy and because for once in my life i've learned to be unselfish and know what unconditional means.

I do have doubts like I feel as if Im giving up on the current job because it has become so mundane and the same thing everyday just a different day. I still have no clue what I want to be when I grow up but I guess I should/start with being with the one I love allowing for that to grow and develop into more. Though I would be lying if I didnt think pessmistically at times with regard to him, its difficult not to think negatively but I find day by day if I cant trust him and his words then why do I bother doing all of this?

Well nothin else going on here I'll let yall know if anything exciting happens!

Congrats to 2006 Grads

2006-05-02T17:25:02Z

WOWOWOWO its been forever since I wrote in this thing, so I thought I'd catch some of yall up. My life is work, work, work, I def. took for granted the college lifestyle and I miss those days. I miss home a ton right now its going on 4 months without visiting MI and I miss you all very very much.

There is not much to new going on here, the weather is AWESOME! always sunny! My parents are coming to visit and shop with me in a lil more than a week, soo soonnnnn!!! But im working 7 days this week, not normal, and its hard to be around high school kids all day, they can be very very needy! But ive fallen in love with most of them, so its gonna be hard to say goodbye in May and in July when quite a few will graduate.

But to the Class of 2006, Congrats! Does it not seem just yesterday we were just moving in dorms, and meeting friends that few you still are very very close too??? I feel that way everyday, and I wish to go back and watch my whole college career, cause I never in a million years thought I'd be who and where I am now. From my academic life to my relationship life, amazing. Speaking of relationship life, I did some serious soul searching in March and I've let a lot go, knowing I didnt cause any of it. The boy is still in my life and still that guy I care about more than words can say.

But Hopefully will be visiting MSU and MI in August, this summer is gonna be crazy tons to do at work. So Keep the first week of Aug free to hang out with me!!!

Love and Miss you All!!!

my life

2006-03-07T22:40:00Z

Everyone you know assumed that you might fall apart once a certain element was removed from your life, but they were wrong -- and how. You set out to prove just what you can do all on your own.

My Horoscope for today and its been rough, if you dont know, I can explain a couple days just know im doing okay, and I love and miss you all. Im gonna be okay, cause i have great friends in my life!

Its been awhile...

2006-02-22T21:26:46Z

Yes im still alive, and working all week and usually just chilling with lil noise, and just relaxing on the weekend. But I have a moment to quickly update you all of my life at work since the kids are being busy for another hour, YES! Well whats on my mind as always seems to be the case is the boy, I guess im having more of a difficult time than I would have first imagined, because its now been a full month and half of no seeing him, and he was very apart of my everyday life for well the better part of 2005. It seems that right before my period, that PMS stage, I get all anxious and question every little thing, like not hearing from him in a few days, even though I know how busy school can be. IM just worrying that okay we are doing a long distance thing, and soon ill get to see him now that I have my own 2 bedroom townhouse, and have settled in nicely at work and such. But, i always have to think negatively im not really sure how to think postively because I feel something bad will invitebly happen. If you happen to be Courtney or Molly then you know how ive been since I seem to call you two often! I mean it was just Tuesday that I finally got him on the phone, and i tried to explain how i felt and he listened, cause i know he does and he said what i wanted to hear, the "Jenn, i miss you and i love you" call me later which i knew he'd be asleep but i always call, to leave voicemails. Why do i question this then? because I dont have him closly by to just feel better about it all??? Yes im def. struggling and trying to be postive and I know ill be better once im done pmsing. Any thoughts?...

I miss him, and he knows this, but i feel maybe its easier for him cause he has all his boys, and well i have few people down here, and i really just want him to be near me...

New address..

1921-B Eastover Drive
South Boston, VA 24592

Miss you all too!!!

6 Days to my 23rd Bday..oohhh weeee...NOT!..lol

2006-02-06T21:50:48Z

Hey yall!..Yes its been a couple weeks, but its been busy hectic crazyness down in the VA! I luv my job, though now that im more comfortable, comes more responsiblity and more care, which is good, makes me feel more productive! Im currently at work, and have a few things to do but, I needed a break to just write to you all since a quite a bit has happened.

First Saturday I went out to the Mall with my co-worker, which was exciting to be doing funn things! Anyhow on the way there, we see this car as we are coming around the curve, and well the car is completely wrapped around a tree, and the back end of the car is off the ground. Im in shock and dont even really know what I felt. Needless to say the woman in the car, was dead on impact im sure of it, and she wasnt wearing a seat belt, and was thrown to the back of the car, and sort of hanging out. I didnt check to see everything, what I did see was enough to make me never ever lose that image. Seeing a dead human being is very odd, and sad, and just puts into perspective how precious life is, and I know i lose that so very often.

After some good shopping, though I could've done much much more! We went to the movies and saw Something New, OMG, luved it, would totally recommend seeing it. Such a good flick. Sunday I just chilled back and clenaed and Found hopefully my future home, a really nice townhouse, with two bedrooms!..I feel in luv with it! The only problem is the fact that I have no furniture, which will take time to get because I do want to save some moneys!

This past week, and weekend Ive really struggled with missing the boy, a ton and knowing how much I care about him, and want to see him soo soon. Sometimes I wonder if we are on the same page, and I'd like to believe we are because if not why still talk to someone 600 miles away? Ohh I think it happend to all in long distance relationships..someone please tell me im not going crazy???

Well thats it for now..falling asleep typiing at work, i need more rest, but it is a lovely Monday!..lol...

jenkbp @ 2006-02-05T20:04:00

2006-02-06T01:09:07Z

Your Love Song Is

Wonderwall by Oasis

"I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now"

You know what you want - but does that person want you?

What Love Song Are You?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Spiderman

"I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Attempting to keep up on this.....

2006-01-26T16:50:07Z

Hey yall well im almost done with my second full work week,and the more ive become comfortable the more happy I am. I really do enjoy my job, as oppossed to others who hate what they do. I love the kids, they are good kids at heart, just took the wrong path and are learning to grow and mature, some further than others. And yes there will always be those asshole, "im entitled kids" but the great thing is I can call them out on it, as will their fellow students, the great thing about the school.

Its crazy to think only a few months ago, I had no job in sight and was losing all hope, but life does strange things, and everything does happen for a reason, to make you stronger, and to allow you to learn.

On a sidenote, I hate refs, they screw/fuck every bball game especially the ones that count, dont worry scum, You will get whats coming to ya, see ya at Breslin, where u ALWAYS lose, ohh and nevermind, whens the last time yall went to Final Four, oohhh wait you had to cheat and bribe your players to get there. SAD!!!!

And as for the boy, we talk reguarly, and gosh damn I miss him tons, and whenever some random hits on me, im just like ehh your not good enough, sorry!..hahaha...Luv and miss him!

Miss you all, Molly I miss our daily talks, or my desk visits!, Chris I miss our always random adventures, Courts, I miss our ice cream, and just being there for each other! Dan, I miss our weekly or every other week catch ups! To anyone ive forgotten Im sure I miss something about you, cause damn how could i not????????

jenkbp @ 2006-01-20T09:53:00

2006-01-20T14:58:56Z

Yesterday it hit, the overwhelming dealings of not being anywhere near the people I love and miss the most. Its not that Ive not met cool peeps at work but it takes time to fall in step with all of them, and to hang out outside of work and so forth. Yesterday I hit a wall of emotion and i really didnt want to stop crying, it was horrible. It all started with not being able to talk to the boy before work, and then at work, certain kids returned from a workshop and of course I was prewarned it was an emotional one. I think it hit me right there, as these kids were tore up emotionally just crying like lil children, its amazing to see it and to hear their stories. The stories, are just unreal, and it makes me realize how many kids go unhelped, for many different reasons. Regardless I think im gonna love this job, even though yesterday I realized how much I miss everyone and that things are forever changed, and bittersweet change. Well its Friday and I have nothing to do but laundry all weekend, this should be a boring uninteresting weekend...will attempt to stay positive!?

REAL update time!

2006-01-18T17:38:01Z

Well Nick you asked for the good update im gonna try to do it well, and for you all, who I do not talk to on the regualar. Today will be my third day of work at The Carlbrook School in South Boston VA. Its a thearpeutic school, you can look them up online if you like it explains more thoroughly there. My official title is Floor Coordinator, where duties include keeping the kids on their schedules, and planning events, and also just making relationships with the kids, and learning about them. So far I do not do much since it will take a good deal of time to learn the enviroment and kids. So far though I enjoy what ive seen and really do find the kids stories interesting.

I am currently living in the faculty house, as I have had no luck in finding a "home" which is okay gives me time to adjust to the small small town of So Bo (South Boston). They do have a 24hr Wallmart which is my current excitment since soooo many people just hang out there, Ha! The nearest malls if you are concerned for me, are about 45 minutes to 1hr away, Not bad? This means I should learn to save moneys!!!

For those who havent kept up with my "guy situation" I am happy to still be and talk with the MSU football player that ive chilled with for some time. More update on that in next entry!!

Miss you all much!!!...Once i have a home you can come visit!!!..lol..

IN VA!...lol..

2006-01-17T02:03:24Z

Today was my first day of the work world, well sort of, and yes if you dont know, i moved to Virginia bout 5 days ago or so? I still have no "home" so im living in a house that they provide. Im working at private high school, for kids, who are very smart but fucked up along the way. So far so good, life is good trying to stay positive though I miss the Msu boy, (the football guy) that im def. in luv with and miss terribly. but short entry cause im tired..of typing..lol..

Miss u all!!!

jenkbp @ 2005-10-19T22:52:00

2005-10-20T02:57:22Z

FALLING asleep at work, this 9hrs of work, is not good, for someone who wakes up at 8am everday!

Your Alias Should Be:

Amya Nia

What Should Your Alias Be?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

Spontaneous, on a tropical vacation, when he realizes he can't be without you.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Jason Bateman

Who's Your 80's Heartthrob?

Your Vibe Is Somewhat Sexy

On a good day, you're the sexiest woman in the world
But on a bad day, you can't help but feel a little average
Try to remember the times you've felt the sexiest...
And keep that attitude even on the worst of days

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

life is good

2005-10-20T01:05:47Z

Just a quick update, picking up a few hrs at desk, need that xmas money, yes im learning to save this is very unusual for me!...Life is good, I attempting to keep my drama to a minumum! Msu boy and I are just friends, I think we alwasy just were, and I like it that way, it helps me stay normal. As for coffee shop thats working out well, I luv the girls I work with, and mgt can suck most the time, I think that is true for most places?

Well thats bout it, just got a lot on my plate right now, and I luv staying busy keeps me happy and much more content..

If it's meant to be it will be.....

no words...

2005-09-20T22:32:45Z

I was planning this entry for yall bout my "stress" but then I read my freshmen mentors lj entry and just reread and reread because all of a sudden everything that was soo difficult for me, is not so compared to many other people in the world. I make my issues seem like they are life and death and really they are not. I think I need to not stress bout not finding my "real" job, or what i really want to do with my life. I should enjoy life, each and everyday sitting outside, visiting friends, reading books, and being geniunely happy. Yes I pick up hours at the desk which helps money wise. But in the end the things I want to remember are those random nites that I had so many of freshmen year, or just being stupid and dancing around to 80s music. I need to stop feeling so bad for myself, and attempt to make the best of each and everyday I have with the people I truly love and enjoy.

Sorry if this is more "not" like me than normal but sometimes u get a reality check and it hits the right spot and it helps me remember how lucky I am to have so many good family and friends in my life. Okay no crying im at the desk, theses damn kids will for sure think im NUTZ now!...lol..

bored at work and missing laguna

2005-09-20T02:19:01Z

Missing Laguna is depression enough, thanks to Molly for keeping me update to date!...Now while working I randomly check my horoscope and it reads the following:

Recent events lead you to question if a certain relationship is really worth all the work you've been pouring into it. You hoped that somehow things would work out, but that may not happen until you voice your discontent clearly.

HOLY SHIT!...if u know me, u totally understand this, and now makes me wonder what should I do????.....YIKERS!

Back @ work...

2005-09-18T14:43:24Z

At work again, I tell ya this seems to be the only time I think about updating my journal, unless of course im totally stressing about everything. This weekend was a quiet get away to home. I got my hair cut and colored, no its not short, just to my shoulders, and much blonder! Im happy with it. And to top it off I got to babysit on Friday nite, which was awesome way to pick up some extra cash since I dont really have anything else to do at nite at home.

YEA FOR STATE!! GO GREEN GO WHITE!.. I stayed home to watch the great win in OT with my Dad and I screamed at the damn TV plenty as did my Dad! But wow, I luv my MSU teams:)

As for this job search def. not going well, I really need direction and I feel I have NONE! Monday im going to mall to pick up apps. like crazy since well I mgiht as well do something to make some money and to keep busy. I really want to find how to become a thearpist on relationships, ooohhh How i luv helping people with their relationships!

On a sidenote my nonexistent relationships..lol..are good, the ones that I dont define! There real good esp. when MSU wins!..lol..

Also last sidenote guess who im'ed me the other nite when I wasnt around....????....GREG! umm yea...it said "remember me"...Umm WTF!..ha hahahahahaha. Make a learn to care about you and that they wont ever forget you...aka..AARON!...lol..

funny story time~

2005-09-14T17:25:03Z

Okay I wish i wrote better than I do to make this story as funny as possible but let me tell you it made my nite! So this guy i met about a week ago for 5 maybe 10 minutes, keeps iming me, and I have told him that Im currently happy with my situation and so forth. So anyhows, lats nite our convo was something like this
Him: Well what are you doing?
Me: Wathcing a movie
Him: with who?
Me: myself
Him: ohhh can i come watch it with you?
Me: actually im about to fall asleep..so..
Him: well i want to sleep with you
Me: umm I thought we talked bout this already...
Him: well i want to replace him, I want to take his spot
Me: wowow
Him: yea I want to get to know you and get to know you better, and I want to sleep with you..
Me: really unsure what to say....

Convo kinda ends like that but all i know is ive never had anyone just come out and say that kinda stuff, like WHOAAAAAAAAAAA..lol...of coursee Dan was online tlaking to me, so I sent him the direct quotes it was that good...lol..

working west holden...

2005-09-11T01:32:21Z

Awaiting a visit from miss molly to make funn of dumb freshmen girls and guys. As I sit at west holden it holds some pretty crazy sometimes surreal memories of the summer, that I fell for someone I never thought I would. We def. dont talk anymore, I honestly feel I was lied to, or was told information that was filtered and only heard the good parts. I dont think i've ever met someone who attracts ALL females, which is kinda funny!

Well Molly just came and was a very funn filled talking. We only had one dumb group of freshmen asking where the west side rooms were? umm well your on the west side, so the elevator up?...lol. I've decided this side is quite boring actually either that or, its bout to get exciting when more kids go out? All I know is im still dehydrated from too much drinking!

more to come in "real update"

jenkbp @ 2005-09-10T20:34:00

2005-09-11T00:37:30Z

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded.
You tend to be more traditional than trendy.
Your confidence gets you through anything.
People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.
You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

You Are Skinny Heel Boots

You always look great - from your styled hair to your sleek boots.

What Kind of Boots Are You?

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

working working...

2005-09-08T02:57:01Z

Gotta pick up them hrs! Well getting to work tonite was complete HELL! First I left at 822pm, working at 9pm I had time to stop at Beaners and get the new Hot Caramel Apple Cider, MHMMMMMM. Well I got stuck at EVERY lite! And behind every slow person I get to Beaners at 840pm, LINE a mile long, so I wait these dumb asses dont know what they are ordering as they are ahead of me, im like HELLO, u had to time to read menu! So i reach the cashier at 848pm. Get my drink at 854pm. Do i have a right to be angry? YES!..How long can this possibly take!

Now that i've calmed down after 2 hrs..lol...im reaiding magazines and finding numerous receipes to try! Since I really have no clue as to what I want with my life. I figure cooking may help? Any ideas from yall would be good? Maybe I should go get another degree??? I mean why not I miss school, and well I want a more defined field rather than a a broad communication. I mean why did i switch my major so many timeS??? I mean I do know I enjoy people, helping them, sports and keeping things organized so yall what should I do????

update time....

2005-09-06T23:14:49Z

Working for miss blackme8..since she's soo nice and wants me to help her out and work, well not problem here, since I still have no "real" job....and well im lil stressed out about that, though I try not to let effect my happiness level maybe for 20minutes a day I feel bad, and then let it go. I think real soon here im gonna just go find some job at the mall and work 40hrs a week so I can at least make a living and then try to figure out what I really want to do with my life. I do know that i've been missing school quite a bit. I enjoy learning more than I thought I did. I miss learning new things, and miss trying to figure out more about people as we all know I luv trying to figure things out.

As for the guys in my life, ive been dealing with withdrawal from wisky boy maybe because I dont really know him all that well, and thought I would get more "attention" than I do. But I can reason that it is his first yr and that he is a busy guy, but I know for a fact that I've always managed to make time for those important few people. As for MSU boy we are good ( more to come, lol).

After reading an editorial in the state news today that being 22yr's old and looking back at my 4 yrs at MSU and looking at the young freshmen and sophmores, how much i've changed. I really wish sometimes I could have a videotape of all the years and time we spent being "dumb" and going out cause I can only see it in my head, and gosh it was such a great time. I also realize how few new people I feel the need to want to know, or even bother attempting to be overly friendly while as a 1st or 2yr college student all we did was meet new people. I think its more or less, the people that know me the best are already set and wont change, they know too much and new people know so little that its hard to just want to meet new people and get them to "know you"

Life...

2005-08-30T22:58:31Z

Well about to head home and live off my parents for the labor day weekend which Im very very excited about. If you had heard bout my job interview I never got a call back, how not cool! But im taking it as is and just keeping my head up cause when it works out for me it will. At work right now cause I was very happy to pick up a shift from Lakeyla which I luv my 6-9pm shifts they ROCK! That and courtney is on my ohter side, and Molly has visited me and bringing me food, mhmmmm...lol..

As for freshmen they do seriously get on my damn nerves doesnt help that im PMSy like WHOAAAAA...lol..

Well real good update to follow, so if your my real friends u read it..lol..

Back @ work = new update, ha!

2005-08-22T11:33:49Z

Quiet here, except my playing of big hits of the 80s, I figure I need to have an 80s section on my computer to listen to at home. Well yesterday I got out of work early, thank goodness, I had the most horrible time trying to stay awake, was just a Lazy lazy day. Besides being lazy I did clean up, ought ohh its pms time! Had dinner with Chris, Abe, Abe's gf, Dan and Dave was tons of funn, I miss hanging out with all of them sometimes, especially the orginal freshmen boys.

I figure today at work I can accomplish plenty, first I need to lose weight like whoaaa, Im sure yall think im crazy but if Im not happy then well thats all that matters. I know I just need more of a set pattern to workout but its been crazy and this week will be way long with many hrs of work so im not sure if this is the week to start probably next week is better. I also need to make out a budget and put one together through excel, I spend far too much money and need to stop in fact the rest of the week im not spending any, I have food at apt, and well no need or time to go out. I also need to prepare for my interview for tommorow at 930am im lil nervous but I just gotta be myself and let it all just flow, which im usually pretty good at.

WOWOWOWOW, its been a while...

2005-08-20T19:05:16Z

So sorry to all of you who actually read about my life. Its been a couple of crazy weeks with the end of school FINALLY! and working everyday so I can make some money, and now im in full I NEED a "real" job state. I have an interview on Tuesday so wish me luck with that. I keep applying for state of Michigan jobs since they have benefits, and well I need that!

As for the guys in my life, the one i fell for, well we dont talk anymore, and im letting that go real fast, as its a waste of time to think to much into what actually may have happened, except I do feel he lied about somethings. But im very content and happy with MSU boy with the lil time he does have since its back to the Season for them.

As Welcome Week approaches im looking forward to maybe going out once in a while, honestly I jsut want to drive around and laugh at all the freshmen and then realize how Old I really am..

Ohhh on a good note, I get to be the Parking Supervisor which means for Tues, Wed and Thursday I get to yell at parents who try to park where there'nmt suppose to be!..HA I was made for that!!!!

ugh,

2005-07-25T13:04:47Z

I havent felt like this since Aaron my heads not in school at all like it needs to be, I have two exams this week and I cant seem to concentrate at all! I hate it, and im not sure what to do??????....

Its now 1120am and im doing much better, ive studied now for an hr or so, and my mood is lil more upbeat and i just keep thinking and planning what I need to do when I get off work at 3pm, maybe earlier???...if all these girls leave!

BORED, and tired of school "stuff"....so its quiz time...lol

2005-07-22T17:06:39Z

You scored as Miranda Hobbs. Your Miranda Hobbs! Your a career driven woman who doesn't need a man in her life, and feels tied down when she does. You have independence, motivation and the skills to get you where you need to be in life. You have a witty sense of humor, and know how to tell things like it is. Falling in love is somthing you tend to deny, but you can't deny a little bundle of joy!!

</td>

Miranda Hobbs

47%

Samantha Jones

47%

Charlotte York

40%

Carrie Bradshaw

33%

Which of the 4 Sex & the City Gals are YOU?
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You scored as Soft. You are nice and soft, you love everyone and everyone loves you, while you are fiery or too exciting, you are always pleasant.

What is your sexual style?
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You scored as A Romantic. You're a romantic through and through. You may not ever have very many partners, but it's ok. You know that it's about the person who you're having it with, and that the sex is more of a fun biproduct - a very fun biprodict. You know how to make your partner happy, and that's what it's all about.

</td>

A Romantic

85%

Sex God

70%

A Slave To BDSM

58%

Virgin

40%

How are you in bed
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